"Tales Of An Imposter"

It was an odd feeling to arrive in New York City with three bags, and a lot of hope that I could find something to put all my energy into.  Due to tragedies in life, I had a history of just going for it with no fear of the outcome.  I didn't know anyone in the city and it was spring and I moved into my new apartment in Chelsea.  My favorite thing about the city is just wandering around at night, downtown through the West Village to Soho and to my favorite, Cafe Gitane.  

I was in over my head, there were lots of successful, smart looking people hanging out and beautiful girls. I didn't really socialize much as I didn't want to tell anyone what I was up to in the city because then I would have to explain what I was up to and I didn't exactly know my plan.  I had gotten a few acting jobs in New Orleans and just like that, auditioned at Stella Adler and got in.  It was something to do and a place to land in the big city.  

I wandered around a lot and dreamed and read books for weeks without talking to many people and really didn't mind.  When school started it got easier and began meeting people and dating and all that.  It was very inspiring in those studios, over looking the city.  I was reinventing myself yet again and I've always been comfortable doing that.  Though I was comfortable, I did feel like an imposter.  I guess you have to be an imposter for a while until you figure out a path.  And then the great acting teachers began to look at me as if I had the greatest potential to reach the heights of former students like Brando or Pacino.  It was a good feeling to be seen as an artist by these older artists I admired.  It gave me wings actually to quit the school and buy more equipment and set out to make my first record.

Years later, when I'm on the 27th floor of Atlantic Records signing my first record deal, the feeling was still there.  As if to say, wow these folks are buying this, they believe me!  It's an odd thing really and no one talks about it.  The journey and finding ones place in the world.  I'm telling you this because maybe you see me as a musician, an artist and that it must have always been.  I tell you, it wasn't.  One must stand up and be brave and take the first step down strange paths.  There I said it.  You got this.  

I wonder what's inside you.  

 

"Integrity Of The Game"

 In high school, my coach told me I could throw the football farther into the wind due to the aerodynamics, and he did the sly, quick click on the stopwatch and made me believe I ran a 4.6.  I don't know if I ever really threw in the mid 80's on the mound, or if it was just a feeling.  An inner Bill Laimbeer that will take you down, no matter the speed.  

Yesterday I read a line of Rick Rubin's that said "Impatience is an argument with reality".  He's right!  It's a rugged fight really, being an artist.  There's no coach on the table, edging you on.  It's you in an empty room against the blank page and if you want it all now, well that's just too bad.  Deep breath!  

Tall tales don't really work to push the artist.  He must find himself, immersed in it.  As with golf, one must be present and have integrity.  One must have the honor of a soldier on the course, when in the bush he lies.  A triple, a quadruple bogey, put it on the card.  Dig your game out of the dirt! I dare you.  The golf gods are smiling upon you.  And trust me, they won't forget.  In this era of great posturing, you'll rest my friend. 

"So Long Letters " #1

 

It's true, I do love letters.  I like writing and taking the time to send out a letter here and there.  And I really appreciate the lovely emails I get from time to time from folks who love my first record "So Long". Sure it was disappointing that the record didn't get its proper promotion back in the day, but it did manage to make its way out into the world.  Often the stories people share say that so and so stole my only copy and I only have it on this one hard drive, etc.  These stories always show up when I need them to.  I don't make music to one day play stadiums and entertain the masses, I do this first for myself and my own healing and to connect on a deeper level.  

This message came in from Brooklyn yesterday and it's nice to be appreciated in a city that I love and adore.  The city where my creativity was born.  

Subject: So Long

Message: Hi! I don't usually write artists but this album was so important to me in high school. I let my parents give away all my CDs at some point between graduating in 2006 and now and thus this album was lost. I couldn't find it streaming anywhere and didn't own a CD player until I bought a used car last year after the birth of my son. My spouse has a collection of random old CD's and all i wanted was this album back, to share with my family on our antiquated cd player, in our shitty car. Today the first song on the album was on my spotify Release Radar playlist. I'm sitting at my desk with happy tears. This brings back so many memories. I feel like a piece of my life was put back together. I just wanted to say thank you for making music and posting this special album on Spotify. Music is so magical and this is hitting somewhere deep in my soul that I didn't know was hidden!